Tables
by TVJunkie1013
Summary: HawkeyeBJ pairing. SLASH! PWP smut. If you don't like that sort of thing, please don't read this... Funny things tables.


**Title**: Tables  
**Author**: Lisa M  
**Pairing**: BJ/Hawkeye  
**Rating**: Major - borderline Colonel  
**Disclaimer**: Nope, don't own anything. Don't sue … no money.  
**Archive**: Anywhere, just let me know.  
**Feedback**: Would be appreciated - good or bad.  
**Spoilers**: None.  
**Summary**: Funny things - tables.

**A/N**: This fic is a PWP smutfest. I used it to distract me from the fact that I only have one fic left to finish for the ABC challenge. If you don't like to read pointless smut, don't read this. Thanks to Lee for the beta - you rock!

* * *

"Do you ever wonder if the Army is trying to kill us with this food?"

Klinger's question barely registers with me. As a matter of fact, I am only slightly aware of the conversations going on around me. All my focus, my concentration, is on the actual table in front of me.

Funny things - tables. Wood, nails, broad flat tops, four legs beneath. Benches or chairs slide up to them. Trays and plates sit on top of them. Relatively unremarkable objects. Hard, rigid, dependable, sturdy.

I reach out and trace my fingertips over the rough surface just to my right. Along the grooves, the creases, the imperfections. Across from me, sits my best friend - BJ Hunnicutt. He is doing something oddly similar to me, only his palm is flat against the wood. He is sliding it around and around in a circular pattern. He has a small, secretive smile on his lips. My own lips curling into a smirk in response.

I glance around at our talkative breakfast-mates - Colonel Potter, Margaret, Klinger and Fr. Mulcahy. Good Lord, poor Francis. Sitting at the very end of the bench, eating his already-cold powered eggs and day-old toast. If he only knew, if any of them knew, that just a few hours ago this very table had been used for something other than eating.

* * *

I was hungry. It had been as simple as that. I woke up at 3am and wanted something to eat. Unusual? Not really. Igor knew about my late-night trips to the mess. He'd caught me once, and ever since then he'd always left some kind of snack for me in the fridge. Chocolate pudding, jello with little pieces of fruit cocktail in it. Nothing special, but sometimes there would be fresh fruit. When he could get his hands on it, anyway. He'd put whatever treat he'd gotten in an empty (but always clean, of course!) chipped beef container, knowing full well that no one (besides me) would even think to snoop for food in _there_.

I snuck out of the Swamp and made my way to the mess. What I found in my secret stash brought a huge smile to my face. Not only had Igor scored me some fruit, but he had somehow managed to get my absolute favorites --

-- two of the most beautifully plump peaches I'd ever seen, and a perfectly ripe banana. I couldn't help myself; I giggled as I picked each delicious specimen up and slowly waved it beneath my nose.

"Ahhhhhhh … a delight to both the olfactory senses and the palette," I whispered into the empty, pitch-black tent. I gathered my treasures and took a seat on the shorter edge of one of the tables. My mouth was already watering in anticipation. I lifted one of the fragrant peaches to my mouth and was about to take a bite.

"Got anything to share, doctor?"

The low, deep voice feathered across the back of my neck and goose bumps rose all over my body. A grin curled my lips as I turned to see BJ standing in the doorway - the dim glow from the campfires around the compound making him appear as only slightly more than a mere shadow in a pink shirt and olive shorts. He was leaning against the frame on one shoulder, with his arms crossed over his chest in that loose, lazy manner that was one hundred percent pure BJ. My grin grew into a full-fledged smile when he shifted on his feet and the door swung closed behind him.

"That all depends on what you're looking for, _doctor_," I flirted and took a large, very delicious, very satisfying bite out of my peach. The sweet juice ran down my chin and I made no effort to brush it away. Then, as an afterthought, "How'd you know I was here?"

"Hawkeye, Hawkeye, Hawkeye," BJ replied with a click of his tongue and a shake of his head. "Do you think I don't know where you go late at night? The things you do? You should know better than that."

BJ pushed himself away from the door and closed the distance between us quickly. Four or five long strides and he was standing directly in front of me. He smelled of soap and toothpaste with an undercurrent of musky sleep that was just so _him_. I watched as he slid his gaze down my chest to the piece of fruit I held in my hand. As his eyes moved back up to mine, I noticed they were sparkling with something - predatory lust perhaps - and I shivered in response.

"So?" I managed.

"So, what," he asked, running his lean fingers over his moustache, smoothing it down.

"So, banana or peach?" I picked up both items in one hand and held them out. He barely glanced at them before meeting my eyes again. "You can have whichever you want, Beej. Though, I have to warn you that bananas," I paused, my eyes narrowing and filling with the same type of heat he has swimming in his, "are my absolute favorite."

Double entendre intended and obviously understood by my friend.

"Mmmmmm," he murmured non-committally, and reached out to pluck the fruit from my hand. He looked from one to the other as if weighing the pros and cons of each. Then, he placed both on the bench to the side of the table. His hand landed on the tabletop, just to the left of my hip. The other moved to my dog tags - fingers closing over them and wrapping into the chain. BJ pulled me forward. "I had something else in mind." He leaned in and flicked the tip of his tongue over my chin. "Tasty."

I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and jerked him to me. Our lips met in a bruising kiss. BJ wasted no time, his tongue darting between my teeth to slide along the length of mine. His hands made their way to my waist where he quickly untied the belt to my robe. Then, they moved to my shoulders. He pushed the material away from my body. It fell softly to the table, creating a red pool of terry cloth behind me. Cool palms roamed my back, mapping each and every inch of bare skin. His lips retreated from mine, tracing a path to the hollow of my throat. I found the edge of his shirt and pulled it up and away from his body.

BJ laid me down onto the table, his lips traveling over my throat and burning a trail along the center of my body. My back arched automatically when his tongue twirled a circle around my belly button. His moustache tickled my skin and I shivered. Fingers made quick work of my pants and before I knew it, I was completely naked - except for my socks - which were, ironically enough, BJ's socks.

The air inside the mess tent was incredibly cool. It brushed over my skin, but I hardly noticed. My mind had zeroed in on one single thing - BJ's hot, wet mouth wrapping around my solid erection. The way his tongue felt - rough and soft at the same time - as he licked up the underside and back down to the very tip, coating it with his slick saliva. It seemed as if every pint of my blood had rushed into and was now swirling around hotly in my groin. I was completely at mercy of this man.

With his skilled mouth, BJ brought me to the edge very quickly. My testicles tightened and my body tensed, but my friend slowed his pace, not allowing me to reach release. He was obviously in the mood to tease me tonight. I was pulled to the precipice three or four times and I was gripping the sides of the table so tightly that my knuckles felt as if they might burst out of my skin at any second. As I approached orgasm a fifth time, I groaned out BJ's name, begging him to let me come.

He sucked me in deeply, the muscles in his throat massaging and squeezing my length as he swallowed back his gag reflex; working until every single drop of my seed was pulled from me. Then, his fingers were inside of me and his hot, sticky mouth was on mine. I could still taste myself, salty, on his tongue.

Hooking his arms behind my knees, BJ pulled me closer to the edge of the table. I slid my legs around his torso as my hands wound their way into the damp strands of his tousled hair. I braided my fingers tightly within the waves and held him against my lips, savoring every inch of his mouth.

I felt the tip of BJ's cock pushing at my tight entrance and shifted, arching into him. He slid in easily and I gasped, breaking our kiss. He began to thrust - slowly at first, but quickening almost immediately. I knew it wouldn't be long for him. I felt his hands slide under me, fingers gripping my ass as he thrust in and out of me. Soft mewling sounds filled the air and I realized they were coming from me. BJ's pace became frenzied. He was close. I crossed my ankles behind him and squeezed as tightly as I could.

A moment later, BJ's body tensed. He threw his head back and with a deep-throated groan, he came. Then, his legs gave out and he collapsed on top of me. My body was humming pleasantly with the contact, and I wanted that feeling to last for as long as I could. But I knew, in the logical part of my brain, that there was a very real possibility that we could be caught here. That would be disastrous - for both of us.

As much as I was loathe to do it, I pushed BJ away from me and sat.

"You don't want to cuddle? I'm offended." BJ remarked, a fake pout on his beautiful features. Though, with that moustache, he almost looked comical. I had to keep myself from laughing, because I knew he was very sensitive about that stupid thing. I smiled at him instead. He reached down and retrieved my scrub pants from the floor. Leaning forward, he placed a soft kiss on my lips and handed me my clothing. Before BJ could move away, I grabbed the back of his head, deepening our kiss. I felt him hardening again and broke our contact before things got passed the point of no return.

"Beej," I began and stood so I could slide my pants on. BJ pulled his own shorts back over his hips. "You know I would be more than happy to stay, right here, in your arms forever if I could, but we can't. Could you imagine someone coming in and seeing your naked ass up in the air as you fucked me on the very table that they were planning to have breakfast on?"

"I know," he laughed and helped me put my robe on. His fingers grasped the belt and he tied the ends together in a perfect knot. Strong arms came up around me and hugged me tightly. "I just like to _feel_ you, you know? It doesn't happen nearly enough."

"Yeah," I agreed and ruffled my fingers through his hair. "Come on, let's clean this up and go back to the Swamp. Charles'll still be asleep and we can sit together for a while." I drop my hand into his, our fingers interlocking with each other. BJ pulled the tangle to his lips and pressed a quick kiss on the back of my hand. He cradled it against his cheek for a moment, then, with a smile, he pulled away and finished dressing.

"Okay."

We worked together to make sure there was no visible evidence of our extracurricular activities left on the table. BJ turned to leave and I gathered my treasures in my hands.

"Hey, Beej," I said quietly. When he twisted back to face me, I tossed him the unbitten peach. He caught it easily and grinned - white teeth glowing in the darkness. I winked at him, "We can share the banana later."

* * *

"So, whaddya think, Hawkeye?"

"Huh?" I reply stupidly, having no clue what Klinger is talking about and not really sure if I care.

"The Army? Trying to kill us with the food?"

"Oh, that. I don't know." I glance at BJ. He is fiddling around with his fork. Stroking it lightly, then spinning it. The way his fingers are moving, it's obvious that he's still in the place I just recently left. Watching him slide his fingertips over the back of the spokes, rekindles the flame inside my belly. "It's bad, but not lethal." I feel my arousal growing by the second, and I know if I don't get out of here immediately, I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do. "Uh, Beej?"

My friend doesn't respond. His eyes are glazed over and he's still got that smile on his lips. I take a small piece of cold sausage and toss it at him. It strikes him right in the middle of the forehead. He startles into focus, his eyes clearing and turning to me.

"Hey!"

"I, uh, need some help in the supply room." I shift uncomfortably. "You got some time you want to share with me?"

"I've got the time, but I don't know if I want to spend it working - counting penicillin in the supply room."

"Beej," my tone is tight and I fix him with the most lust-filled gaze I can without being completely obvious to those around us. "I really need your help in the supply room. Please don't make me beg. It's very unbecoming."

The light finally goes on in his head and he smiles.

"Uh, sure. Since you asked so nicely. I'd be happy to help."

"Great, let's go," I say, standing and turning as quickly as I can. The last thing I need is for anyone to see that I've got an erection. Especially as I'm leaving with BJ. That would be very bad. "We'll be doing the count," I call out as an afterthought.

BJ joins me and we both glance back over our shoulders once. Yes, tables. They are funny things, indeed.

**The End**


End file.
